Category Archives: Uncategorized

Oct2

My Dream Theory of Life

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My Dream Theory of Life

They say that cats have nine lives. My dream is that we have three. We need one life to nurture a family, one life for education and a career, and a third life for travel. Wouldn’t it be great to focus on only one area at a time rather than having to juggle it all together?

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While I was busy raising a family, I furthered my education and pursued a career, albeit not the one I would have preferred. But that did give me the luxury of staying at home with my children when they were young. I was there to hear their first words, see their first steps and enjoy the blessings of motherhood. I was able to do this because I moved my office to my home and was able to work while my babies napped. I was able to combine family and career. Of course it meant a great deal of strategic planning when I went back to school as I was the main chauffeur, and it was a great help when my son was old enough to drive and could transport himself and his sister around for me. Yes, I was very fortunate. I didn’t have to worry about daycare. But most importantly I was THERE for my children. So many women today miss this opportunity.

But the third life I’d like to dwell on is that of travel. We traveled a fair amount when my children were younger. My son was only four months old the first time he flew on an airplane.By the time my youngest was seven, she had been to Disneyworld three times. We also saw The Alamo in Texas, plantation ruins in South Carolina, Rawhide in Arizona, The Riverwalk in San Antonio, as well as numerous zoos, aquatic parks, theme parks, museums and beaches all over the USA. We were at The Mall of America the week it opened. And there were all those weekend trips to Fargo and Grand Forks. Alas my children became teenagers and our days of family vacations came to an end.

Since I have been living in Mexico, I have met so many young people in their twenties and thirties traveling in Mexico and Central and South America. How I envy them! I would have loved to have thrown a backpack on and traversed through these countries when I was younger. Many have traveled extensively throughout Europe and Asia as well. What an education they are receiving! There is no better classroom than THE WORLD! So education can easily be combined with travel. Of course you do need the money, so that’s where a career comes in as well.

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I would have preferred three lives; the first and most important being the one devoted to family, the second being a life where we devote ourselves entirely to education and a career, while the third being travel, where we have the unlimited freedom to go where we want whenever we want.

I know I’m dreaming. We only have one life and we need to juggle all three at the same time. But without dreams, life would be just a narrow road leading nowhere. 

Sep19

I Love You

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I Love You

I haven’t written anything heavy in a while so I guess I’m due. I’m hurting right now. I know I’ll get over it. I always do. But I just haven’t been able to shake this feeling all day. Maybe by writing about it, the healing process might be easier. We’ll see.

I had a wonderful conversation with my daughter this morning. I haven’t heard her voice since last April when I left Guadalajara. Here in Mazatlan I don’t have access to long distance phone calls, and my daughter doesn’t Skype. Finally, she suggested last week that I meet her on Google Hangouts. So I promptly downloaded the app, in Spanish, and began to familiarize myself with it.

I messaged my daughter that I was on and she called me. Of course it took two tries as I had to find the Spanish words to answer the call. But hopefully we will do this again soon before I forget entirely how to use this app.

My daughter had to tell me something she knew would upset me. I know how difficult it was for her. But I did have to express my feelings. She accused me of prodding her with a guilt trip. My reply was that if she felt guilt, it was her own conscience speaking to her.

This is where love comes in, more specifically, a mother’s love. My children know that I love them unconditionally. There is nothing they can ever say or do that will change that. There are no strings attached to my love. Of course, along with this, they know that if someone has to be hurt, it will be their mother. She is the one person in their lives who will always be there for them, no matter how much she has been hurt.

Is it because a mother carries a child in utero for nine months? Is it because she breastfed instead of bottle fed? Is it because she was a stay-at-home mom? I think that all of these are factors that certainly strengthen that bond.

I think back to my own childhood. My parents provided a safe and secure environment with love bouncing off the walls. Sadly my own children did not have this experience when they were growing up. My children often remarked that I was like a single parent to them. The three of us were a triangle, with my husband loitering on the outside. I feel badly that my children did not have the experience I had as a child. While they now have some type of relationship with their father, it cannot make up for time lost in the past. But I am happy that they do have some type of relationship with him today. I am a firm believer in the present and the future. While memories are nice, we don’t live there anymore.

I will be somewhere up in the sky a month from now en route to my daughter’s wedding. I’m feeling a myriad of emotions about this occasion. My daughter has done considerable planning and organizing to ensure that all the guests coming from all over Canada and the USA have an exciting and memorable time in Punta Cana. I am so very proud of her and all that she has accomplished.

I Love You Kimmy.

Sep13

Collections: Treasures and Memories

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Collections: Treasures and Memories

A friend of mine is moving back to Canada after having lived in Mexico for a year and a half. Although he’d prefer to stay here, his life is complicated and necessitates returning to Canada for a while.

When he first came here, the intent was to remain here. He had a sizeable collection of DVDs and CDs, as well as computer and game equipment driven down here for him. However he is flying back now and the cost of shipping all this is prohibitive, so he is liquidating all of his treasures. Of course he is not receiving anywhere even remotely close to the value in terms of money.

I think back to my own collections and how I was in the same position a few years ago. In another lifetime I had an enormous collection of lighthouses that once filled an entire room. I had bookshelves with hundreds of cookbooks. And I had a small collection of sewing machines including a vintage treadmill. Unlike my friend, I had few CDs or DVDs as I never got custody of those when the marriage ended. The loss of these was solely because my children had given me some of these as gifts over the years. It wasn’t the actual music or movies.

Over time I have dealt with the heartbreaking memories. I sometimes recall with fondness where I acquired some of these items on my travels. Many were gifts from family or friends who have left this world, and those are the ones that tug at the heartstrings the most.

Right now my friend is most concerned with the dollar aspect. He needs to raise enough money to fly back and find an apartment where he can settle down for a while. His employment options are also limited. There will be time for the memories later on.

My situation was similar. I needed to raise enough money to support myself while I was back at university finishing my degree. I also needed money to enable two knee replacement surgeries and a lengthy recovery after each. My financial situation was precarious and life was stressful.

I first came to Mexico five years ago with one suitcase. My possessions have now increased to fill three suitcases. My biggest collection consists of a shelf of books. Everything is portable and can be moved easily, with the exception of a used crock pot that I have recently acquired.

However our lives are filled with more important collections that are not measured by things or possessions. Relationships with people and life experiences form other collections in our lives. Although intangible, these are the real treasures in life, providing us with precious memories that live in our hearts forever. I am so very grateful for all the people who have shared and been a part of my life. I love you all.

Saludos!

Toasting 2015

 

Sep10

Getting Ready To Leave

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Getting Ready To Leave

The following was written but not posted back in April. I miss you Guadalajara. If only you had a beach………….

It’s that time again. It’s been almost eighteen months but it has snuck up on me again. I’ve been setting up appointments in Winnipeg and preparing for my book launch. And now it’s time to pack. And I hate packing!!!!

A smaller bag of books and teaching materials is ready to go. That was easily done as soon as Easter break started. But it’s the two suitcases that are the headache. One stays here in Mexico, and one travels with me to Canada. And I doubt that any of my clothes I wear here are at all appropriate for the weather in Winnipeg. Tempting to just leave everything here and take a backpack with my laptop and a few things on the plane. But that’s just wishful dreaming……..  

This last week in Guadalajara is going by all too quickly. I have made a point of going back to some of my favorite places, although there is still a long list of places I haven’t even been to yet.

My first priority was Parque Mirador. I have spent countless hours here gazing out at the canyon, taking photos and journalling. Peaceful, tranquil and my haven from the real world.

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I spent a day in Zapopan near the Basilica. The vendors were out in full force displaying their religious items, jewelry, books and more. Although I have been here several times before, I finally decided to check out the art museum. Small, quaint and air-conditioned, it featured a tunnel leading to the rooftop where I found this!

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I went back to Tonola and walked for hours. The displays by the artesans are awesome and this is one time I wish I had my own home here and could decorate it myself. I think I’d put this cute little guy out in my garden.

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I also went back for one last visit to Lake Chapala and Ajijic. Although the water is rapidly disappearing from the lake, I still enjoy the walk along the malecon as well as strolling through the tianguis.

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 There are so many beautiful churches here in Guadalajara. The architecture, art and statues are amazing. How wonderful that these ancient buildings have been preserved!

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 I will miss Calle Independencia with its shops, artesans and restaurants. Day and night, this pedestrian pathway is alive with people and music.

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 Guadalajara has some incredible museums. They may not have elevators and restaurants, but the ambiance and the displays are amazing.

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I have spent hours in the Jardin Hidalgo right here in Tlaquepaque. The fountains and flowers are lovely, and this has been a favorite spot for people-watching.

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It goes without saying that I will miss my students, despite the long commutes to Zapopan and Miravalle. We have had some fabulous discussions in Conversation Club and Saturdays just won’t be the same. And I’ll be able to sleep in on Monday and Wednesday mornings! I have really enjoyed my students this year, and I wish them all the best of luck in their studies.

Adios Guadalajara! Hasta luego!

Sep6

Reverse Culture Shock

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Reverse Culture Shock

Traveling and living in another country are amazing experiences I have had. I have immersed myself in in a foreign culture, have acquired a new language and have adjusted to a different climate. But the biggest challenge has been returning to my hometown for visits.

After eight months in Culiacan, I returned to Winnipeg intent on finding employment and remaining in Canada. While it was great to see my children and my friends, it definitely was not one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. I had grown accustomed to a far different way of life in Mexico and I was quickly overwhelmed by the stressful lifestyle in Winnipeg. I lasted five weeks and breathed a sigh of relief when I boarded that flight back to Mexico.

The following two years were a split of six months in Guadalajara and six months in Winnipeg as I had two knee replacements done a year apart in Canada. I really had to psyche myself up for those lengthy Canadian stays. Anxiety and panic attacks were my constant companions along with grueling physiotherapy following the two surgeries.

When I returned to Guadalajara, it was for eighteen months this time. I planned a brief visit to Winnipeg to launch my second book in May of this year. However the two weeks dragged out to five weeks and it really was no vacation. I had a myriad of appointments and endless issues to contend with. Those weeks were exhausting and stressful.

I returned to Mexico in June and moved directly to Mazatlan. I welcomed the challenges of a new city to explore. Of course I did have to deal with Immigration and that comes in second only to divorce in terms of stress and aggravation.

Reverse culture shock is common when you have lived in another country and return to your hometown. The biggest obstacle for me is the concept of time. Here in Mexico, the pace is much slower. I like to call it the “land of manana.” There’s always another bus, another train and another day. There is no rush and multi-tasking is not a necessity. Everything gets done in its own time.

When I returned to Winnipeg, multi-tasking was an absolute necessity. Appointments combined with shopping in the same morning or afternoon left me feeling like I was in a marathon. I missed my little corner tiendas and the neighborhood tienguis. I missed the leisurely stroll to a coffee shop or a bar instead of the hassle of driving in traffic.

I missed the sound of the beautiful Spanish language. Although English is the predominant language in Winnipeg, I heard far more conversations in a variety of foreign languages when shopping in the malls.

I missed the smiling Mexican faces greeting me with a Buen Dia although they were complete strangers to me. Bus drivers would wish me a good day when I said gracias as I alighted from the bus.

While it was nice to return to some of my favorite restaurants, I missed the street food in Mexico. Wherever I was, a taco stand or a churro stand were never far away. And many of the foods I had become accustomed to in Mexico just were not available in Winnipeg.

I missed the loudspeakers blaring in the streets advertising tamales or fruit or mattresses. I missed the jingle of the Zeta gas truck and the bells of the ice cream vendors. I missed people trying to sell me pencils or tools through my window. I missed people offering me pots and pans in exchange for jewelry.

I could go on and on. But until you have actually done what I have, I don’t think it’s possible to fully understand the struggle in returning to your home town after a lengthy stay in another country.  My world no longer begins and ends in Winnipeg. I have grown and learned so much in the past five years in Mexico. And isn’t that what life is all about?

Sep2

Nothing Lasts Forever. Or Does It?

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I had just about completed another blog post when I received an email from my son last night. I decided to put that one on hold and write this one instead.

My son is a man of few words and very seldom do I receive an email from him. He asserts that he is fine, everything is fine, nothing is new so there is no point in sending emails. He doesn’t quite get that his mother treasures these rare messages of sparse wording. Or maybe he does.

The message last night was that the arcade in the Columbia Mall in Grand Forks, North Dakota had closed. A flood of memories overwhelmed me. Flashbacks of weekend trips to Grand Forks over the years filled my head. My son was never into shopping in the mall when he was younger. The highlight was always the time spent in that arcade. And last night I was really moved that he had taken the time to send me that short message about the arcade.

That also brought back another memory. When I was pregnant with my son I spent a lot of time in bed for health reasons. I was determined to carry him to term and that required a much more sedentary life than I usually led. A friend introduced me to soap operas in order to pass the time. And I became a faithful follower of The Guiding Light. That meant that my son in utero was drawn into the drama of Josh and Reva as well. Shortly after my marriage ended, this show was cancelled. My son heard the news and phoned me. I was really touched by that phone call.

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And then a third memory surfaced. When I was pregnant with my son, I used to read to him, sing to him, listen to music and dance with him. A bond between mother and child begins long before the actual birth of the baby. Some years later, in his teenage years, my son made me a CD with some music he thought I’d enjoy. To my amazement, many of these songs were the very ones he had heard in utero. Many of these had been long forgotten by me, and I’m sure that my son hadn’t heard these since he was in my womb. After all, it was the 90’s now and he was born in 1980.

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Nothing lasts forever. Or does it? That mother-son bond remains strong. It just manifests itself in different ways. Perhaps because we live thousands of miles away in different countries, I have become more sensitive to this as I grow older. Love you Kyle!

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Aug23

The Five Year Question

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The Five Year Question

Where do you picture yourself five years from now? This is one of the most common questions asked in a job interview. Five years ago at this time I was living in Winnipeg and teaching ESL in a program at Red River College. I recently came across some old journal entries and this was my response in July of 2010.

“I expect to be teaching ESL here in Winnipeg possibly even in this college. My roots are here, my children are here and my friends are here. These are all very strong ties.”  

However life intervened and God quite obviously had other plans for me. I left Winnipeg in the fall of 2010. Other than returning for two surgeries and a book launch, Mexico has pretty much become home to me. My daughter moved to Ontario three years ago and my son built a house in Transcona, which to me may as well be another city as I’m not familiar with that area at all. And I discovered a lifestyle in a foreign country that is very appealing.

I enjoy teaching here in Mexico where students are eager to learn and are appreciative of the efforts of native English speakers. They are not demanding and do not possess that sense of entitlement which so many of the students in Canada exhibited. Pictured below are Adriana and Cecelia, two of my students last year in Zapopan.

With Adriana and Cecilia

My friendships here are very different. I don’t have the same close network of girlfriends. There is no-one here to share the memories in the same way, although people are curious about my past. Most of my friends here in Mexico are decades younger than me, as are the men I date.

Since moving to Mazatlan, this has changed. I’ve met some new friends at church and most of them are considerably older than I am by more than a decade. While I do enjoy having friends closer to my age, I do miss all of my younger Jalisco friends, especially Monica and Claudia pictured below.

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As I sit here on a rainy day pondering my future, I can’t quite fathom creating a reply to that five year question. I appear to be firmly rooted in Mexico, but can’t quite pinpoint exactly where. I have an awesome Mexican family in Culiacan. I miss so many things about Guadalajara, but I really love the beach here in Mazatlan. I have met amazing people and made wonderful friends from all over this vast country. There are also so many fascinating places I have yet to discover. And I agonize over the fact that my own children refuse to come and visit me here. I wonder where I will be five years from now………………. 

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Aug20

Let Me Be

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Let Me Be

I heard a song the other day that I hadn’t heard in decades. The tune keeps running through my head and the words haunt me. I’m referring to “Let Me Be” by The Turtles.

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As a teenager, this song had been one of my mantras. But then marriage and life set in and I fell into the common trap of trying to be the person everyone else wanted me to be, but not the person that I really wanted to be. And I am now at a stage in my life where I have the opportunity to find that person who had lost her way for so many years in the gargantuan abyss of others’ expectations.  

I graduated from university in May and got married in June. I was only twenty-one, but then that was expected back in the seventies. Pre-nups? Unheard of in those days. My trust fund bought our first house. My husband became firmly ensconced in a business run by my family. And I soon found myself sucked in as well. Strong and ugly words to describe that one. But in those days I always put everyone else first. My dad was ill and it made it easier on everyone if my husband and I were involved in the business. And it did provide employment for both of us. But growing up I always resented the fact that my dad was consumed by this business. He was always working. I remember packing up my homework and going back to the office with him at night so that I could spend time with him.

And then my own children came along. Fortunately I was able to move my office home and I had the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom. Of course when my babies napped, I never got to relax. Payroll, month-end, year-end, taxes………..there was no end to it. And I had also gone back to college to obtain business administration and accounting certifications. Yes, that business had indeed sucked me in over the years.

I look back at my life and have no regrets. My happiest days were those spent with my children while they were growing up. And I know that I have instilled upon them the importance of getting an education. Both of them are established in professional careers and are thriving. I am so very proud of them, and they are the loves of my life.

When the opportunity to sell the business arose, I jumped at it. Of course it also marked the beginning of the end of my marriage. But more importantly, it also was a time of personal growth for me. I continued to pursue my university education despite the lack of support from my husband. And then once the marriage ended, I completed my degree and created a new and exciting life for myself here in Mexico.

I am finally now doing what I want to do. I don’t care what others expect of me. I am constantly criticized because I have chosen to live in Mexico and lead the lifestyle I do. Personally I feel that it takes guts to do what I do. And I am quite content with the simple life I have here. I teach, I write and I do volunteer work. I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face and eagerly anticipate what the day will bring. I am happy.

Now, if only my children would come here for a visit…………..that would make me even happier.

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Aug13

A Week In The Life

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A Week In The Life

It’s Thursday afternoon, August 13th, and I’ve been living in Mazatlan now for about 2-1/2 months. It’s still holiday time here which means I’m not teaching at all this month. But I have found other activities to occupy my time.

My focus has been primarily on my writing. I am now in week 7 of a 9 week writing course from Duke University in North Carolina. I had not anticipated such a heavy course when I enrolled, but it has proven to be a great learning experience. Analyzing a visual image, writing a case study and an op-ed, learning about citation and plagiarism, evaluating the works of others——-it’s been intense but also very informative.

I’ve also being working on my next book. Although it will be a work of fiction, I will be drawing on some of my own life experiences.  Right now I’m developing characters and plot lines. This is most enjoyable after having written two self-help books, When Glad Becomes Sad and Alive Again.

I belong to a writers’ group online called An Author’s Tale. I enjoy the weekly writing prompts as well as the camaraderie of other writers.

I am excited to learn that there is a writers’ group right here in Mazatlan. Meetings begin again in the fall and I look forward to meeting other writers and sharing ideas.

I have also become an active member of La Vina in Zona Dorada. As well as attending services on Sunday mornings, I have become involved in an outreach program. And I have also made some new friends here as well.

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Although I haven’t found a bridge club yet, friends have introduced me to a game called “hand and foot” which I now play twice a week. This is the view as we sit by the pool and play cards.

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I have also joined an organization called Vecinos Con Carino. This group is involved in supporting students and schools and also involved in the Lids For Life program.

Exploring Mazatlan fills my time as well. Before I moved here, when I visited I would stay at the Hotel Playa Mazatlan in the Zona Dorada and spend most of my time in that area or strolling along the malecon. Now that I live here, I have discovered  a variety of other interesting places to check out, and my list is growing daily. I have mastered some of the major bus routes and navigating this city is less stressful than in Guadalajara.

My favorite place is still the beach, especially at sunset. I no longer merely bask on the beach all day as I did when I was a tourist. I read, I write and I gaze out at the magnificence of nature. There is something very calming about the ocean. I love the sound of the waves pounding or lapping at the shore, depending upon the weather. I love that salty sea smell in the air. The sand beneath my feet is a cushion of velvet. I have walked beaches from Hawaii to the Atlantic coastline, but Mazatlan surpasses them all. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever envision myself living in this magical paradise.

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I do admit that in the soaring temperatures and high humidity I often take refuge in an air-conditioned mall,  theater or restaurant.  By bus, Galerias is ten minutes away, Gran Plaza is about 15 minutes away and Sendero is about 20 minutes away. These malls all have theaters and restaurants which I frequent.

Tomorrow is an open day and I plan to visit the art museum and the English speaking library, followed by lunch and a walk along the malecon. Weekend events include a pool party and an anniversary dinner.

A week in the life.

Jul31

This Time Around Was Supposed To Be Easier…………….Part 2

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This Time Around Was Supposed To Be Easier…………….Part 2

Today is July 31st and I finally had mug shots and fingerprints done at INM. The card will hopefully be ready next week and I will once again live and work legally in Mexico. But only for one year, and not the three years I requested.

The renewal process has been somewhat of a gong show. In actuality, the original application for a work visa a year was less tedious.

I accepted a job offer in April from a school here in Mazatlan. While I had been assured that I would have the school’s support in renewing my work visa, this was not the case when it was time for action.

This necessitated retaining a professional to assist me with all the documents.  He had come highly recommended. However due to his inefficiency and ignorance, the proper documents were not filed requesting a three year renewal. Instead documents were filed for a one year renewal.

I wanted a three year renewal for two reasons. The first is that I would not have to deal with Immigration again for three years. The second is that one year costs 3500 pesos and three years only $6600. 

This morning at Immigration, the staff there explained  to me in perfect English that they were willing to renew for three years. The mistake was not theirs. Of course the person I had retained tried to blame it all on Immigration. Scrambling to save face, he actually told me that Immigration had told him that it couldn’t be renewed for three years because I had moved to another city and changed jobs. That really took nerve on his part, seeing as we were all standing in front of staff in the Immigration office. 

I had a fabulous immigration lawyer when I lived in Guadalajara. German Pajarito, you need to open an office here in Mazatlan. I highly recommend German to anyone requiring legal advice in Guadalajara. He is one of the most honest and trustworthy people I have ever met in my life, and a talented musician as well.

As to who I do NOT recommend here in Mazatlan, he shall remain nameless for now…………