When I was in Texas having an interview at the Mexican Consulate in order to obtain a work visa, I was asked some very pointed questions. Upon my return to Guadalajara, I decided to retreat to my favorite place, Parque Mirador, where I often go to contemplate life. I felt the need to ponder these questions further.

I arrived in Culiacan on Day of the Dead, November 2, 2010 after about eighteen hours of travel through five airports. The temperature was in the high 30’s celsius and the humidity was overwhelming. My house was not air-conditioned but thankfully there was a unit in my bedroom. My mantra: “You can do this Karen. It’s only for eight months!”

It is now almost four years later and I live in Guadalajara. My life is simple here. I teach, I write, I study Spanish and I travel. There are no rigid schedules to adhere to and the fast pace of life in Canada is behind me. I enjoy my relatively stress-free lifestyle immensely, although it is not by any means completely carefree.

So how did an eight month commitment become a multiple year adventure? Indeed I now find myself in a position where I am considering permanent residency here. 

But…………

I miss my children. I miss seeing their faces. I miss sharing meals with them. I miss their pets. Occasionally I do hear a voice on the phone, although way too many times it’s merely a voicemail message. I feel like I am missing out on so much by not being there with them. And they have no real idea of what my life is like here in Mexico as they are reluctant to come and visit. I highly doubt that they even read my blog as it is never mentioned in our infrequent conversations.

A few times this past winter I texted my kids, concerned for their safety with all the inclement weather. Their reaction was the usual “You worry too  much”. But that has always been my job as a mother. No. Wait a minute. It was never just a job. It was my life! And it still is, although my children are adults in their 30’s and I live thousands of miles away in another country.

Every day I see families together wherever I go. They enjoy picnics in parks, go to movies, go out for ice cream and go on vacations together. A flood of memories wash over me as I remember these special times with my own children. And I long to go back in time and linger for one or two minutes more in Disney World or Rawhide. Yes, I even now treasure sitting in the Minneapolis airport for hours on end during flight delays listening to Alf tell stories and buying my daughter endless cups of hot chocolate at Caribou Coffee. 

My daughter is engaged and is planning to get married next year. I recall the many conversations my mother and I had planning my wedding and it saddens me that this will not be an experience I will share with my own daughter. It hurts that I will not be with her when she shops for a wedding gown or chooses invitations. In fact, by the time the wedding rolls around, it will have been more than two years since I have last seen her.

Just as I have had to accept this situation and so many others regarding my family,  I question if my children have accepted my decision to remain in Mexico. It has never really been a topic of conversation for us. And I often wonder why we discuss the most trivial things while the appropriate words are never spoken about the more important things in our lives.

Communication. Do we ever truly express our feelings and concerns to others on a regular basis as we should? Or do we tiptoe around in an attempt to shelter and protect others from uncomfortable and perhaps awkward situations in our lives? And how does this affect our relationships? These are just some of the thoughts racing through my mind as I gaze out at the canyon.

Reflection and meditation. The canyon provides a safe haven for me where I can rest in the moment and view my world. For I am forever traveling on a perpetual journey to preserve an inner peace and tranquility in my heart. 

What? You have grandchildren? Many of my Canadian and American friends reading this will wonder about this one. My close friends and my friends in Mexico will know what I’m talking about. You see, I have both unconventional and conventional grandchildren. I’ll begin with the unconventional.

My son Kyle bought his first aquarium while my ex and I were in Las Vegas many moons ago. He knew that his father had forbidden him to pursue this hobby, and the only way was to buy an aquarium, set it up and fill it with fish before we returned. And that is exactly what he did.

Personally, I was delighted. He took good care of those fish and maintained the filters and everything else required. He also had some quite exotic species in there. He quickly learned which fish would be amicable and which fish would devour each other. And when he moved out on his own he took the aquarium with him.

When I visited Winnipeg last summer, he had just acquired a second aquarium, larger than the first one. You guessed it! All those fish are my grandchildren…….my grandfishies!

When I returned to Winnipeg two years ago for surgery, I babysat my other grandchildren while my daughter Kimmy was away. Tigger and Tessa were so affectionate. They loved to cuddle and were great company. 

I have yet to meet my third grandkitty. My daughter lives in Ontario now and Jimmy came into her life about three months ago. What a sweetheart! I can hardly wait to meet her!

The more conventional grandchildren in my life really are children! When I lived in Culiacan three years ago, Juan and Lucila literally adopted me into their family. At the time they had one child, Juan Carlos. He calls me his Canadian abuelita. The family expanded with the birth of Jose Agustin two years ago. 

And as I write this, we are excitedly awaiting the arrival of a third child due this month!

I love all my grandchildren and I am truly blessed to have grandfishies, grandkitties and nietos in my life!

It’s taken months, but I finally have my residente temporal status. I can legally work in Mexico. I can open a bank account. I can obtain health insurance. I can get a card offering discounts to seniors. I can stay here in Mexico without having to leave the country every six months.

But what an ordeal! When the new government changed all the laws in November 2012, the process became more complicated instead of simplified as promised. Piles of notarized documents were only the beginning. Thank God for FedEx!!!!!

Next came the many visits to Immigration by the director of the school where I teach. Then came the wait for the approval from Immigration in Mexico City. And weeks later the notice came that I had fifteen days to report to a Mexican consulate outside of the country.

I chose to go to McAllen, Texas as I had been there before when my tourist visa had run out back in April. I boarded an overnight bus bound for Monterrey, Nuevo Leon. ETN luxury buses are quite comfortable. I watched a movie, listened to some music and slept most of the way. In Monterrey I then took another bus to McAllen via Reynosa, Tamaulipas. After a long wait on the bridge at the border, I breezed through U.S.A. Immigration and was soon in McAllen and on my way to the Mexican Consulate.

Upon my arrival at the consulate, there were more documents and more photos required. And I was told to return the following day for an interview.

By then it was mid-afternoon and the Texas heat and humidity was taking its toll on me. I checked into a hotel, jumped in the shower and collapsed on the bed in my air-conditioned room.

A few hours later, I set out to explore and ate dinner at a restaurant nearby.  I then went for a long walk before returning to my hotel room to watch a movie.

The following morning I had breakfast at the hotel and returned to the consulate. After another photo session and fingerprinting, it was time for the never ending interview. The only comment I have for that is that when it was finally over, the officer said to me “This has been a successful interview. Congratulations!”

As the official document that was required to be stamped into my passport would not be ready until later in the afternoon, I headed for the mall. The locals all told me how “huge” this mall was and I was quite disappointed when I got there. La Plaza Mall is a typical small American mall and I much prefer the malls we have here in Guadalajara. But I did have a few hours to kill, so I wandered in and out of stores and made use of the food court at lunchtime.

I returned to the consulate to pick up my passport after lunch. I then headed back to the bus station to return to Mexico. At the border I was given a 30 day tourist visa upon presentation of the visa imprinted in my passport.

Back in Guadalajara, I went to Immigration to apply for the necessary work visa. I was inundated with more documents to fill out. One of these was to be completed on the computer  in the Immigration office,and it was out of commission that day.

Totally overwhelmed by all these new forms, I took the list of requirements and haled the first bus back to Tlaquepaque. I needed time to process all this unexpected flurry of required information. McAllen had assured me that I would just have to exchange the visa for a card. I was not prepared for the mountains of additional paperwork. 

One of the documents was for payment of fees for the visa. I had already paid a fee in Texas, and now there was an additional fee here in Mexico. In Texas it took two minutes by credit card. In Guadalajara it took ninety-two minutes; three lineups, three staff and a multitude of forms. And of course cash only.

Once I had completed all the forms, there were all the required photocopies to contend with. And then more mug shots to be taken.

I arrived back at Immigration and was delighted to discover that the computer was working properly. I finally got to speak to an officer who declared that all my papers were in order. Interestingly enough, most of the photocopies apparently were not even necessary. But I now had the coveted number and password to check the progress of my status on the internet. And I had it within the 30 day time period allowed after visiting a consulate outside of the country. And I do understand why you are given 30 days……you need them!

I checked the status on the internet periodically, but all it told me was that the visa was being processed. And then at 10:58 pm on a Monday night I received an email advising that I had forty-eight hours to go to Immigration to be fingerprinted. And only two more forms as well as mug shots were required!

The next morning I headed for Immigration, as it was my day off. One lineup to check in and a second one to get fingerprinted. And it turns out that the forms were not even needed, just the photos. I was then told to return in five days to pick up my card.

So six days later I arrive at Immigration, eagerly anticipating picking up my card. Instead I am given a slip of paper with a phone number and told to call before I return. And the voice on the other end of the phone line speaks only Spanish, and speaks very quickly. I passed the phone number on to the director of the school where I teach. For two days she called that number. Each time she was greeted by a recording that there was no-one available to take the call. I decided to just go there and hope for the best.

I will not put into writing what transpired at that last visit to Immigration. Suffice it to say that I finally left the building with my green card. The process began in March and was completed in time for Mexican Independence Day in September.

People often ask me why I never write about my marriage. The answer is really quite simple. I prefer to write about positive aspects of my life. There is nothing to be gained by focusing on the negative. 

Today is August 18, 2014 and it’s just over five and a half years since my marriage ended. And these five and a half years have flown by way too quickly.

In a nutshell, I got married too young and for all the wrong reasons. I became “Mrs. Husband”, totally losing my identity and along with it my self-esteem and my self-confidence. Throughout the  years, I lived my life vicariously through my children. And when they grew up and no longer required my constant attention, I hit rock bottom. I was bored and unhappy, a very dangerous combination. So dangerous in fact, that I attempted to take my own life more than once in the last four years of my marriage. My psychiatrist strongly urged me to leave that unhealthy relationship. He told me repeatedly that pills were not the answer to my quest for happiness.

Today I am high all the time……………on life! I am in charge. I make the decisions. I need only assume responsibility for MY actions. I am no longer a shadow but instead am in the spotlight. I am immensely enjoying my newly found freedom and my independence. I revel in my accomplishments since I have been on my own. I have published a book. I have had two successful total knee replacement surgeries. I have embarked on a new career, moved to Mexico, learned a new language and immersed myself in a new culture. I have met some amazing people along the way and have had some awesome adventures. And this is what I prefer to write about.

Of course there were happy times in my marriage. I will not deny that I do have some fond memories. However it goes without saying that the highlight of my marriage was the birth of my two children, the loves of my life. And I enjoy writing about them. They are my pride and joy and are often included in my blog posts.

As for me, I continue to grow. I am stronger and happier than I have been in years. I now focus on the present and the future, and have left the negativity in the past where it belongs.

I am Alive Again! This is coincidentally the title of my second book to be published in 2015.

A Thursday in July dawned bright and sunny, a rare occurrence here in the rainy season. I flagged down a bus and headed towards Centro Guadalajara. Just past Parque De Revolucion, I arrived at the Museo De Las Artes.

The gallery was rather small as the exhibits were limited to only part of the main floor. However, to my surprise there was no admission charge.

I admired the murals of Orozco on a previous visit to Hospicio Cabanas and I went to the Orozco display first. The mural on the domed ceiling was amazing but very difficult to photograph due to the sunlight streaming in through the window.

There was also another magnificent mural displayed on a wall.

I then ventured into the Permanancia Y Lo Transitorio area. The art on these walls ranged from modern to bizarre to absolutely ugly. In all honesty, I did not find any of them to be impressive. Here are just a few………….

What is your opinion?

Outside once again, I passed through the Rambla Cataluna. This walkway was marked by several tiny fountains.

Alongside of this walkway, a brightly painted mural was a prominent feature on a building.

I continued my walk and soon arrived at the Templo Expiatorio. Work on this amazing Gothic church began in 1897 but was not completed until 1972. 

Most impressive are the magnificent pillars, beautiful stained glass windows and ornate statues found inside.

A plaza next to the church had a fountain and  was a lovely respite from the noisy traffic on the other streets bordering the Expiatorio.

There was also a scattering of vendors selling handcrafted items as well as religious articles.

The low battery warning on my iPhone was now flashing red at me from all the pictures I had taken,  signalling that my exploration was done for the day. Reluctantly I flagged down a Tur bus and headed for home. 

I admit it. I’m a date-a-holic. Is that even a word? Well, if it isn’t, then I just created it. The definition is that I have certain dates ingrained permanently on my brain. 

People remark that it’s a blessing to remember dates. Birthdays and other important occasions are never forgotten. Many of my friends tell me that if it wasn’t for Google calendar or Facebook, they would never keep track of these dates.

As for me, I often feel that some dates are best forgotten, and being a date-a-holic is a curse at times. But life goes on and these dates often have new meaning which is always welcome in my life.

November 24th was my parents’ anniversary. We all celebrated their 30th together in 1976. Less than three months later, my father passed away on February 9th. To my delight, my son Kyle was born on that date in 1980.

June 17th was given new meaning when I had my second successful knee replacement in 2013. And June 18th, 2014 marked the two year anniversary of my first knee replacement surgery. These days are now definitely a reason to celebrate. Chronic debilitating pain has been replaced by the ability to walk comfortably for miles.

June 17th this year also announced the arrival of my new grandkitty in Ontario. When I phoned my daughter Kimmy she was driving home with her new kitten Jimmy. Here is a pic she posted later that evening. Sooooooo adorable! 

March 25th this year had new meaning as my daughter shared the wonderful news that she and her boyfriend had gotten engaged while on vacation in The Dominican Republic. Although they haven’t set a wedding date yet, I am excitedly looking forward to this happy occasion.

Mother’s Day will always be bittersweet as my mother passed away June 19th, 1996 and I live thousands of miles away from my own children. But I enjoyed a wonderful Mother’s Day this year in Tototlan with my friend Omar. Last year I was in Winnipeg with my son Kyle. And three years ago I was with my Mexican family in Culiacan. Celebrating Mother’s Day is always a day I look forward to, as I have no idea where I will be when the next one comes around. But I think of the Mother’s Day that I long to once again spend together with both of my children, but right now that is only a dream. We live in different countries and my children live in different provinces in Canada.

Growing up, Father’s Day was always a happy day spent with my family. After my father passed away it became a difficult rather than an enjoyable day. It became even more stressful as I had in-laws to contend with as well. I don’t miss the arguments about where to go for dinner with people I did not want to be with. Yes, I can honestly say that I have enjoyed Father’s Day again since I have been on my own and no longer in a marriage. It has become a peaceful, relaxing day where I no longer have to be with people out of obligation. Instead I have the time to reflect and to treasure the happy memories that are important to me.

On August 7th, 1992  I held Kelsey lovingly in my arms when the vet gave him the injection that ended his life. And then on December 7th, 2008 I did it all over again with Koal. My dogs were more than pets. They were more like children to me. And those were two of the worst days of my life. Kelsey’s birthday was June 25th and Koal’s was February 25th, and I miss them terribly, especially on those days.

Of course my daughter Kimmy’s birthday stands out in my mind. She missed my favorite auntie’s birthday by a mere 8 minutes and was born on March 29th, 1984. Here is a photo I found of the last time we were together on her birthday when we both lived in Winnipeg,

Two other birthdays always and forever in my head are my mother’s on April 5th and my father’s on November 17th. 

June 30th was a special day when my kids were young. We’d go to their schools to pick up their report cards and then we’d go out to celebrate the end of the school year. They enjoyed going to Chuck E Cheese and that became a tradition for a few years. We’d leave the restaurant amid storm clouds and the rain would begin to pound down on the car just blocks away from our house.

October 31st, Halloween, was always  a special time when my kids were young. We would decorate the house, bake spooky cookies and decorate a gruesome cake. And of course there was always a lot of excitement with costumes and going door to door collecting treats. Now that I am in Mexico with no kids, I now look forward to Day of the Dead celebrations on November 1st and 2nd. This is a time when Mexicans honor their ancestors with altars and family gatherings in cemeteries.

Valentine’s Day was always a favorite. I always loved this day as a child and it was made even more special when I had children of my own. We spent many happy hours together in the kitchen decorating cookies and a heart-shaped cake. This year in Mexico my housemate Omar surprised me with flowers, a balloon and chocolate. Later on I went out for a lovely dinner with my language partner Isaias.

Instead of finding myself in a kitchen preparing family dinners, I now celebrate Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving in different ways depending on where I am and who I am with. Since I left Winnipeg in 2010 I have been in Culiacan, El Fuerte, Mazatlan, Puerto Vallarta, Mexico City and Guadalajara for these holidays and have enjoyed all of them immensely.

This week Canada Day on July 1st was a normal day around here. While I missed the fireworks displays at Assiniboine Park and The Forks in Winnipeg,  I did not miss the mosquitos!

When I lived in Winnipeg, we would often head to Grand Forks or Fargo on July 4th. And three years ago I spent the day in Minneapolis with friends and saw an amazing parade in the morning and an awesome fireworks display at night. This year I attended a July 4th picnic that was most enjoyable, but I do miss the spectacular fireworks I used to see in the USA.

Birthdays here in Mexico are celebrated for more than one day. Parties in the workplace are common. My birthday this year included a dinner with housemates the night before, an afternoon at Mirador and lunch with a friend as well as an evening out with another friend on the actual day, and dinner out with a friend the following day. And at school my students showered me with chocolates and other gifts.

There are also several new dates that are important here in Mexico. September 16th is a Independence Day, and there are lots of fireworks lighting up the sky on that night.

Revolution Day is celebrated on November 20th. Benito Juarez’s birthday on March 21st is a holiday here.  Semana Santa is the week preceding Easter Sunday. April 30th is Children’s Day.

The month of May is filled with even more days and cause for celebrations. May 1st is Labor Day and May 5th is Cinco De Mayo. Mother’s Day is always celebrated on May 10th, no matter what day of the week it falls on. Teacher’s Day is May 15th and Student’s Day is May 23rd.

On July 12th Dia Del Abogado is celebrated. That’s right— a day to honor lawyers! There is also a special day to honor pharmacists as well. However that date escapes me at the moment, and I will have to watch for it on Facebook!

I wonder how many more meaningful dates are coming my way in the future. A year does have 365 days, doesn’t it?

The first time I saw this amazing performance, I was in Teotihuacan, an area near Mexico City best known for the pyramids The Sun and The Moon. We were still in the parking lot and had not even ventured inside the pyramid area when my friends pointed at a tall pole. I looked up and saw five men way up at the top. One man was playing a flute and dancing while the other four were seated around him, meters above the ground.

Suddenly four of them plunged downwards, their feet bound by ropes. Hanging upside-down, they twirled around the pole, going lower and lower as they spun through the air. In less than two minutes they were on the ground, to the delight of the hundreds of spectators in the parking lot.

This ritual has its origins in a religious ceremony, apparently associated with fertility of the earth, with the four men representing the four compass points. When I first saw this spectacle more than a year ago, I never expected to see it again, especially in my own neighborhood.

However, just recently  my friend and I were strolling through the Jardin Hidalgo one night,  when we noticed a tall pole that we had not seen previously on other walks through the garden. We looked up when we heard the flute music. There were the five men on the top of the pole, four of them perched precariously preparing to jump downwards. The entire performance took less than two minutes.

A few days later I was walking through the garden and was able to take a video of this amazing show. The flyers have been performing several times a day for more than two weeks now. No matter how many times I view this, it is always a thrill to see them hanging upside-down by their feet, spiraling downward towards the ground.

And the fee for this spectacular performance? One of the men walks around the park collecting pesos from spectators. It is strictly a free-will offering.  

This fascinating performance by the Valvadores de Papantla is guaranteed to be an incredibly memorable experience for people of all ages.

Although I prefer to be outside in the sunshine, the rainy season is upon us and is relentless, so I have now begun to venture indoors on my excursions.

Hospicio Cabanas was the first treasure I found. In another lifetime this ancient building was an orphanage. I was delighted with the view I found just beyond the entrance.

Next I headed indoors to peruse some art. The murals on the walls and ceiling by Orozco were amazing!

I then headed into one of the smaller galleries to view a collection called  “Amen”  by artist Gaal D. Cohen. This one really spoke to me.

I found this on display in another room.

The next museum on my agenda was Museo Regional De Guadalajara. The main floor has several rooms containing artifacts and relics.

I climbed the old stone steps to the second floor and found some awesome art and busts.

Whenever I have ventured into other pueblos in Jalisco, churches have been at the top of my list. So I have decided to start exploring some of these in Guadalajara.

This week I visited Templo De San Jose De Gracia in the Centro Historico.

Although it was late morning, I was surprised to see quite a few people praying. This limited my photo opportunities as I take care not to disturb or offend people when I take pictures inside a church.

Another church I visited was Templo Nuestra Senora Del Carmen, located just off of Pavo on Juarez.

Numerous other churches and museums scattered throughout Guadalajara await my visits. And I have a growing appreciation for the culture and the beauty of this incredibly amazing city in which I now live.

“But Teacher, no intiendo”. This is one of the most common expressions I hear in my classroom. I completely understand their frustration as I am struggling to learn Spanish. “Oso” is a bear. So how can the expression “Que oso” possibly mean I have done something rather ridiculous? 

“Pan comida?” Not really. Learning any new language, especially for an adult, is not easy. But I would like to reflect on some of the more memorable idioms and words that have puzzled  my students here in Mexico.

“Sick and tired” –Now this is an expression that I accidentally  used one day in class when I had taught a grammar point giving numerous explanations and examples, and was totally exasperated as the students just didn’t seem to grasp it. I was immediately bombarded with advice ranging from I should be at home if I’m sick to I should get more sleep so I wouldn’t be tired. 

“broke”–What did you break so that you have no money? One student even stated that it would be hard to break money because pesos are very hard.

“white lie”–If you don’t like your friend’s new sweater, why don’t you just tell them? You shouldn’t lie about anything.

“pretty picture”–Pretty is supposed to mean beautiful, not ugly.

“hit and run”–You crashed the car and drove away in the car, not by walking

“give me a ride” –This constantly baffles students as it doesn’t exist in Spanish.

“skeleton in the closet”–Most of my students do not even know what a closet is. And when I explain it, then they tell me that if it’s for storage, why do you say a skeleton is hidden in the closet. Isn’t that where it should be?

There are numerous idioms involving body parts that students find very confusing.

“bite your tongue” — Teacher, won’t it hurt if I bite my tongue? No, it means that you should not say something rude. Keep the words to yourself.

“break a leg” — One of my students is an actor and a dancer, and was absolutely horrified the first time she heard this expression. Once I explained that this is a way to say “buena suerte” I was rewarded with a big grin.

“get cold feet” — Your feet do not necessarily get cold, but you may be nervous about doing something and feel scared.

“costs an arm and a leg”– Teacher, you don’t buy arms and legs. They are already on your body. You don’t buy them for money. You don’t sell them to buy something.

Then we have some common English expressions that Mexicans use that differ from the meaning a native speaker would expect.

“invite me”–If you want to have coffee together, you should invite me, not ask me. In English we tend to use the word ‘invite’ for occasions such as parties.

“reunion”–This is what a Mexican calls a meeting, whether it’s for coffee or business. My students were rather perplexed when I informed them that in English this means an event where people get together when they haven’t seen each other in a long time.

“in this moment”–I hear this often instead of ‘at this time’ or ‘right now’.

“go walking”– This is commonly used in ‘go walking across the border’. In other words, you cross by land and not by air.

And idioms are only the beginning. We then must consider the grammatical rules and all the exceptions that exist. But that is another post in itself………………