February 25th will always be Koal’s birthday. He may be in doggie heaven but he’ll always be in my heart.

Koal never realized he was a dog. Kyle and Kimmy called him their baby brother. After they grew up and moved out, I’d tell him his brother or sister were coming over and he’d plant himself in the living room window watching for them.

His birthdays were always celebrated with a cake and sparklers. Whenever Koal saw me bake a cake with no icing, he knew it was his special day. He got an entire piece to himself on a plate. Of course we had to keep his fluffy ears away from the sparklers.

And of course he always received presents……….chew toys, squeaky toys, cuddly toys and lots of treats. Perhaps it was a tad overwhelming but he never complained.

It’s hard to believe that it’s been eight years since I baked that last cake…………………

I admit it. I love my life here but I really miss baking. My freezer in Canada always had brownies, hello dolly squares, blondies and nanaimo squares. Baking cheesecakes and dump cakes was a regular activity. I miss making my mom’s cinnamon twists and shortbread, my Auntie Jan’s honey cake and my Auntie Anne’s carrot pudding. You can’t make sex in a pan the same way. Challah and hamentashen? Impossible!

So many ingredients are not availaeble here. Cool Whip and Angel food cake mix were staples in my cupboard. Cocolate chips, butterscotch chips, peanut butter chips, Heath toffee bits…………oh but I could go on and on. Even butter and marshmallows are of a different consistency here. Flour and sugar are also different.

I was at a marketplace at La Catrina last week and was excited to see that a lady was selling nanaimo squares and lemon poppy seed loaf. But………..both were the consistency of lead and nowhere near as tasty as what I once baked in Canada.

Let’s talk Rice Crispie squares. I buy them in the package. They’re a little too sweet, but as I mentioned above the consistency of the ingredients changes the result completely. The only puffed wheat cereal you can get here is sweetened, so there goes my mom’s chocolate treats. Pie fillings and ice cream sauces are also unavailable here. There goes carmelitas and dump cakes. What? No Crisco? There goes homemade pie crusts. Graham crackers are nowhere to be found. Yes, baking is a challenge here.

In the grocery stores cakes that are popular are tres leche, or soaked in milk. Gooey and slimey on the bottom? No, I prefer light and fluffy. Cinnamon buns are non-existent here, and I miss that cream cheese icing on top too. But I did find a Ghirardelli brownie mix the other day at Soriana, and Philadelphia cream cheese. So I’m going to attempt some swirl brownies instead of my usual apple enchiladas. Now if only I had caramel sauce……………..

Lately I’ve been having some interesting conversations with people regarding returning “Home.” Our ages and sexes may vary, but one thing we all agree upon is that you can never go back “Home” once you have lived away for a long period of time. You can return to the same physical places, but “Home” just is never the same as when you left. 

Joe South expresses it well in this song: 

Times change and people change.  We may return to that hometown where we hold so many memories, but that’s all they are now. They’re only memories. While some hometowns have dwindled in population and indeed may even have vanished off the map, others have grown and often become unrecognizable.

Each time I return to my hometown of Winnipeg, it feels less and less like “Home”. People who were once important to me have moved away or passed away. Others have moved into new houses, condos or apartments. Even my doctors’ offices have all moved into different buildings. 

Green spaces have been transformed into new roadways and housing developments. My former commutes  have changed and seem so strange and unwelcoming now. The airport is a relatively new facility that I am not at all familiar with. Many of my favorite restaurants have vanished. Large chains have bought up smaller grocery stores. The stores in the malls have changed and big box stores have sprung up everywhere. Even the movie theaters are different and have relocated.

The one thing that does not appear to have changed is the stressful pace of life. The almighty clock still dictates the daily frenzy of activity. I honestly do not miss those frantic days of multi-tasking and logging way too many kilometers on my car in the face of almost impossible time constraints. I have now veered out of that fast lane and have found a calmer and more peaceful way of life. 

Yes, when expats here get together here, the discussion inevitably turns to the topic of “Home.” We have all had similar experiences when we return to our hometowns for visits. And while we all have hometowns elsewhere in other countries, Mexico is now the place we call “Home.”